Learn to model what you want.
Caroline Myss, the author of Anatomy of the Spirit, one of my all-time favourite books, once said, “Share your wisdom, not your suffering.” This is one of the most profound pieces of knowledge we can live by. But, it’s not always easy to achieve. Our moods, setbacks, and struggles often lead the way when it comes to interacting with others, especially our families.
Mostly, we don’t even know we’re doing so. Our struggles can sneak into every word we say, how we hold our bodies as we work, and even what we choose to eat for lunch. It may sound strange, but most of us operate on autopilot as we go about our days, defaulting back to our moods, setbacks, and struggles because . . .
If we don’t intentionally choose our words and actions, then our struggles will choose for us.
Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is the study of excellence, and “modelling” forms a foundational pillar of its wisdom. Modelling is a powerful NLP tool, which is based on finding out what people who excel in their respective fields do to achieve their excellence. It’s based on the premise that outstanding parents, entrepreneurs, teachers, coaches, leaders, etc. do things in similar ways, and if we can find out how they do them, then we can do them ourselves.
But by “do,” I don’t just mean this in terms of the actions they take. I mean it more broadly. What do they focus on? What do they say to themselves? What do they believe about their own potential? What do they model for others? And, yes, what words do they speak? What actions do they take?
In education, modelling means finding out what excellent learners do to achieve top marks. In business, modelling involves finding excellent negotiators, salespeople, managers, and CEOs and applying this knowledge to our own companies. In health, it means identifying how super healthy people stay that way even as they don’t appear to age.
Learning how to model shuts down autopilot so that we can experience lives filled with joy, passion, and purpose.
As a critical life skill, modelling is especially important if you want to be an effective parent. Children learn most things from watching and listening to their parents. Sometimes people worry about how much influence they have as their children grow into teenagers. I say, don’t worry about IF you will influence (because you don’t have a choice about this), focus on HOW you are influencing. As parents our influence is enormous. The question that needs to be asked is: Are you influencing in ways that you want to? And this comes down to how and what you’re modelling at home.
Get in touch if you’d like to book a session to look at what you’re sharing with others in your life.