I See You.
Parenting is painful, especially if we try to force and control it. On the other hand, it’s exuberant and transformational if we stay centered in love and trust. Easier said than done, I know. It begins with an artist’s eye and a good question: how do I see my children as an artist would? How do I truly see them without trying to change them? Great artists like great parents seek to gather and enhance what is right in front of them. It is only through total acceptance and presence that their vision can unfold.
Parenting is fundamentally an act of creativity. It is an act so sacred and life-changing that few rival it. And good parenting starts with these three powerful words: “I see you.” They mean that I see you beyond myself; I see you without wanting anything or needing to change anything about you. It means that I do not see you for my own validation, fulfillment, or security.
Your job as a parent is to truly see your children as they are and to be aware of who you wish them to be so that you can continually return to loving them for who they actually are.
But what does it mean to really see a child or anyone else for that matter? It means to let your veils of fear, judgment, ambition, possession, and expectation fall away. It means to acknowledge, affirm, trust, and be gentle with each accomplishment and setback he/she encounters. This is the centre-point from which skillful parenting radiates. It is the grounding from which the seeds of all good parenting originate.
When I really see you, I take my small self with all of its quirks, fragility, and insecurity and lay her down at your feet, not as your subordinate but as your true equal, painting a carpet of wildflowers for you to dance upon. In this way, I’m able to encourage you to tiptoe gently across this floral bridge as you reconnect with your humanity.
This is the greatest gift I can give you and your children. A gift that expects nothing in return, but one that brings so much: bearing witness to your blossoming and growth.
Your parenting journey will not look the way you or I expect it to. This is why, if I’m to truly help you, I, too, must continue to see you as you actually are. Not through your suffering: the limiting beliefs and assumptions that you brought to me last time. No matter how hard you try, I will not believe your small concepts of yourself. I will not buy into your hopes and dreams as they are not mine to hold onto to for I know that, just as the breeze pushes a butterfly past a blossom, you, too, must learn to let go of what you think is right.
I promise to see you fresh, new, every day for as long as we interact. I am able to do this because I see the part of you that you do not yet know. the part that hasn’t emerged from its chrysalis. The part that few take the time to imagine and even fewer take the time to cradle or to hold without needing anything in return. How lucky I am to reach a point where I can, even if only briefly, remind myself of this truth and lay it at your feet like a carpet of wildflowers.
Get in touch if your parenting or life’s journey has yet to bloom.